If I Were Writing the 101 Course
This is a collection of posts, articles, and what-not that I would have liked to have come across when I first dared enter “dominance and submission” and “sadomasochism” into search boxes. Subject to addition, subtraction, very possibly long division, and radical reorganization.
Letters from Dominant Women and Submissive Men
- Vagina-bot in Stilletos (scroll down to “Heroes’ Muse”)
- What Will It Take For the Silent Majority to Speak Up?
Don’t Tell Me, Show Me
What We Want
- 8 Things Submissive Men Want From a Dominant Partner by Maymay
- What Do Dominant Women Want? by Kink in Exile
- How to Write Porn For Me by Sara Eileen
- I am a Dominant Slut by Bitchy Jones
The Nature of it All
- BDSM 101 by Subversive Submissive
- Ignoring the Label and Dealing With What’s Inside by Tom Allen
- So What do You Do If You Don’t Kink on Sin? by Sara Eileen (password protected)
- Not Exactly the Wrong Questions by Dw3t Hthr
- Sans Weapons, Sans Gear by Sara Eileen
- For the Very First Time by Subversive Submissive
- How Old? by Ferns
On Dominance
- Expectations of Dominance: Picking Through the Tangle by Sex Geek
- I Want It by Sara Eileen (password protected)
- Decoding a Dominant Personal Ad by Axe
On Submission
- Equating Passivity with Sexual Submissiveness is a Stupid Mistake by Maymay
- I’m Submissive, Not A Doormat by Axe
- Active Submission by Subversive Submissive
On Penetration
- Unexplored Assumptions by Dev
- Fuck Him by Sara Eileen
- Strap-ons: Yet Another Alternate View by Delilah
On Begging
- No, Please by Sara Eileen (password protected)
On “Topping From the Bottom”
- Topping From the Bottom by Dev
- Bottom Topper by Thumper
On Forced Feminization
- Surrender Dorothy by Bitchy Jones
- Why Don’t I do Forced Feminization? by Delilah
On Humiliation
- Shame and Shaming by Dev
- How to Look Good Humiliated by Bitchy Jones
On Relationships
- What Will It Take For the Silent Majority to Speak Up? by Maymay and Anon
- 10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s and M/s Relationships by Sex Geek
- Fuck Ups Part 1 by Sara Eileen
- How to Meet a Dominant Woman by Dev
On Non-Monogamy/Polyamory
- Against the Veto (or, Fear By Any Other Name) by Sex Geek
- Polyamory, STDs, and Safer Sex by Serolynne
-
Asking the Wrong Questions by Dw3t Hthr
- It’s Worse Than That, It’s Physics Jim by Dw3t Hthr
On Gender
- Having it All: A Gender Post With Pictures by Human Heliotrope
- I’m Really A Gay Leather Boy by Delilah
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This list is spectacular. I just wanted to say that.
Great list!
‘that I would have liked to have come across’ – Oh yes indeed. Me too.
People who enter ‘dominance and submission’ and ‘sadomasochism’ into search boxes today have to do enourmous amounts of filtering. (For various factors, such as from a simple ‘doesn’t apply to me’ and ‘not my thing’, to the confused ‘fiction-as-fact’ and ‘wishful thinking’, to outright disastrous such as ‘harmful cultural assumption’ and ‘deliberate lie – and it’s obvious why they have an interest in lying’.)
I believe everyone educating themselves needs to do a certain amount of filtering and thinking for themselves; critical examination of content and sources is how humans self-educating themselves works. But damn, it can be tiring…
:) You’ve just saved a whole bunch of readers a good deal of sigh-and-click-away.
@Maymay – Thanks! I hope to dig up more posts I’ve read that were really awesome to add, but here’s the start. Right now I’m feeling really committed to consistently getting content out there that reflects my desires, and crazy-linking to anyone else that does the same.
@Ranai – Also thanks! As for filtering: I think filtering is particularly hard to do when one is desperate. When you’re starving, cardboard will taste good. Which is at least half the problem with the whole “fem-dom” issue as I see it. So many of us are so desperate, that as soon as we see something vaguely resembling what we need, we grab it, and refuse to let go.
I hope I’ll save some people some time, and brain space, and maybe a little heartache. Maybe that’s too grandiose, but if I can, I’ll be quite content.
Not to push it too hard, Ranat, but it would be wonderful if you could help me expand the content at the Sex Positive Resources Wiki. This sort of list-building is a great start, but the next step is to condense the information itself into a comprehensible and succinct overview, preferably in a central place. That’s the goal of the that wiki, and I could use all the help I can get. As you’re already doing some of this “save other people time” work, you’d be a perfect contributor.
I will certainly check it out. I’ve got a couple of major personal projects going right now, but if I feel like I can contribute in a way that works for me, I’d love to.