If I Were Writing the 101 Course
Updated 7/29/14
This is a collection of posts, articles, and what-not that I would have liked to have come across when I first dared enter “dominance and submission” and “sadomasochism” into search boxes. Subject to addition, subtraction, very possibly long division, and radical reorganization.
Letters from Dominant Women and Submissive Men
- Vagina-bot in Stilletos (scroll down to “Heroes’ Muse”)
- What Will It Take For the Silent Majority to Speak Up?
On the Devaluation of Male Submission
- Bearing Witness by Kink in Exile
What We Want
- 8 Things Submissive Men Want From a Dominant Partner by Maymay
- What Do Dominant Women Want? by Kink in Exile
- I am a Dominant Slut by Bitchy Jones
The Nature of it All
- BDSM 101 by Subversive Submissive
- Ignoring the Label and Dealing With What’s Inside by Tom Allen
- Not Exactly the Wrong Questions by Dw3t Hthr
- For the Very First Time by Subversive Submissive
- How Old? by Ferns
On Dominance
- Expectations of Dominance: Picking Through the Tangle by Sex Geek
- Dealing With Dominant Desires: Guilt and Shame by Dumb Domme
- To All The Tops Who Are Afraid to Make a Move by Sinclair Sexsmith
- What on Earth is a Dominant Bottom by Stabbity
- Playing Dress-Up Does Not Turn Me On by Cal Stockton
- Oh Noes, Tops Have to Trust Their Bottoms by Stabbity
- Decoding a Dominant Personal Ad by Axe
On Submission
- I Know I’m Submissive But Where Do I Start? by Sinclair Sexsmith
- Equating Passivity with Sexual Submissiveness is a Stupid Mistake by Maymay
- I’m Submissive, Not A Doormat by Axe
- Active Submission by Subversive Submissive
- Bottom Topper by Thumper
On Abuse in the BDSM/Kink Scene
- The Missing Stair by Cliff Pervocracy
- The Scene is Not Safe by Cliff Pervocracy
On Penetration
- Strap-ons: Yet Another Alternate View by Delilah
On Forced Feminization
- The discussion in the comments of ‘Forced Feminization’ by Stabbity
- Surrender Dorothy by Bitchy Jones
- Why Don’t I do Forced Feminization? by Delilah
On Humiliation
- How to Look Good Humiliated by Bitchy Jones
On Relationships
- What Will It Take For the Silent Majority to Speak Up? by Maymay and Anon
- 10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s and M/s Relationships by Sex Geek
- Realistic and Quick Negotiation in the Moment by Cal Stockton
On Non-Monogamy/Polyamory
- Against the Veto (or, Fear By Any Other Name) by Sex Geek
- Polyamory, STDs, and Safer Sex by Serolynne
-
Asking the Wrong Questions by Dw3t Hthr
- It’s Worse Than That, It’s Physics Jim by Dw3t Hthr
On Gender
- Having it All: A Gender Post With Pictures by Human Heliotrope
- I’m Really A Gay Leather Boy by Delilah
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beyond the hills 
This list is spectacular. I just wanted to say that.
Great list!
‘that I would have liked to have come across’ – Oh yes indeed. Me too.
People who enter ‘dominance and submission’ and ‘sadomasochism’ into search boxes today have to do enourmous amounts of filtering. (For various factors, such as from a simple ‘doesn’t apply to me’ and ‘not my thing’, to the confused ‘fiction-as-fact’ and ‘wishful thinking’, to outright disastrous such as ‘harmful cultural assumption’ and ‘deliberate lie – and it’s obvious why they have an interest in lying’.)
I believe everyone educating themselves needs to do a certain amount of filtering and thinking for themselves; critical examination of content and sources is how humans self-educating themselves works. But damn, it can be tiring…
:) You’ve just saved a whole bunch of readers a good deal of sigh-and-click-away.
@Maymay – Thanks! I hope to dig up more posts I’ve read that were really awesome to add, but here’s the start. Right now I’m feeling really committed to consistently getting content out there that reflects my desires, and crazy-linking to anyone else that does the same.
@Ranai – Also thanks! As for filtering: I think filtering is particularly hard to do when one is desperate. When you’re starving, cardboard will taste good. Which is at least half the problem with the whole “fem-dom” issue as I see it. So many of us are so desperate, that as soon as we see something vaguely resembling what we need, we grab it, and refuse to let go.
I hope I’ll save some people some time, and brain space, and maybe a little heartache. Maybe that’s too grandiose, but if I can, I’ll be quite content.
Not to push it too hard, Ranat, but it would be wonderful if you could help me expand the content at the Sex Positive Resources Wiki. This sort of list-building is a great start, but the next step is to condense the information itself into a comprehensible and succinct overview, preferably in a central place. That’s the goal of the that wiki, and I could use all the help I can get. As you’re already doing some of this “save other people time” work, you’d be a perfect contributor.
I will certainly check it out. I’ve got a couple of major personal projects going right now, but if I feel like I can contribute in a way that works for me, I’d love to.
Seems like the first link (to Vagina-Bot in Stilettos) is broken.
Also broken:
Queer Eye Candy (the site doesn’t seem to exist)
Kink In Exile’s “What do dominant women want?” (change kinkinexile.com to kinkinexile.wordpress.com)
How To Write Porn For Me (in fact, all of the links to Sara Eileen, including the explanation for password protected-ness)
All by Bitchy Jones.
Hey I fixed the broken links and put it up as a page on my blog so you can easily copy it back if you so wish, for anyone still lurking your archives :)
—-> http://stigmafreeworld.wordpress.com/ranats-101-course-on-kink/
Respect N honor Jesus, earthling,
and He’ll do those same nounNverb
to you at your Final Judgement;
dont? Whoops.
Looks like you’re doing the latter.
Make Your Choice -SAW
(<- a disgusting flik about a dood
who goes about torturing innocent
people – poifect for this dayNage
when youth dont know what's True anymo):
Jesus is the Truth, the Way, the Life:
noone comes to the Father exect by Me.
And dats da troof, bro.
Google+: kold_kadavr _flatliner