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Unexpected Tools of Masochism

December 27, 2010

Limp Carrot

The big ones that haven’t been trimmed down, when they get all dehydrated and wrinkly but still have some heft. Hold the skinny end and hit with the top. Very satisfying impact. I bruise really easy, and I usually sport half a dozen bruises I couldn’t tell you where they came from. One day I couldn’t figure out why I had all these regular bruises up my thighs, and suddenly I burst out laughing. After explaining, my housemates teased me for the rest of the day.

Fir Bough

Pretty good makeshift flogger. Unbalanced, and you  have to be careful about the whippy ends and wrapping, but  nice impact/sting.

Screw Bolt

The big six-inch ones with reall fine threads. Feels really good scraped down an arm, or across palms and fingers. Not sharp enough to draw blood, but sharp enough to leave white lines like a plowed field.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 28, 2010 11:34 pm


    Great idea … but we’ve been growing round carrots ( due to shallow soil … any ideas how I can “pervert” them?! Throw them like a ball?!

  2. ranat permalink*
    December 31, 2010 6:25 pm

    That’s pretty much the only think I can think of. Or attach them to a rope… Or carve them?

    Those carrots are pretty cute!

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