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The Way Things Have Always Been

July 16, 2009

So this new dynamic. It is not kinky, and it is not vanilla, and it is excellent.

I’ve been thinking a lot about culture. The cultures I’ve left behind, am leaving behind, the cultures I am creating and want to create. Civilization is fucked, and irredeemable. I have reached similar conclusions about The Scene, as a subculture of Civilization.

I don’t think kink can be salvaged.

This may at first sound depressing. Here’s the thing:

I think we can create something better.

I written before that I have a new culture to create. I have pondered what it would have been like to grow up as a dominant sadist in a culture that simply took it for granted that I was a dominant sadist, and supported my growth and self-discovery.

I want to make that. I want to make it for myself, and my children, and anyone else, and their children. I want to live that. Not just with people who are submissive, dominant, masochistic, or sadistic, but with enough people who are that there is a recognized, tangible culture between us.

Of course, given my world-view, this community would not exceed fifty humans in size, would be primarily foragers and hunters supplemented by at most self-sustaining horticulture, be at least semi-nomadic, and live in bark huts. It would be a gifting culture rather than a bartering one, where one gives among one’s community with no expectation of reciprocation, where food is communally shared, where there is no concept of privacy, but there is secrecy and modesty.

Starting an intentional community has been a long dream of mine. It is easier to join one than to start one, but as far as I know there is no functional primitivist BDSM community currently out there. And living in community in this era is work. That I know very well. It’s not work because it’s inherently challenging, living in community in our times is work because we no longer have the knowledge and experience of living in organic communities. It has been lost, systematically destroyed by a culture that demands wage-slaves for its factories, for its infinite economic growth.

And yet I still want this, a small, landbased community that incorporates these sexualities.

There’s this one basic, giant setback to the whole pipe-dream, which is: I don’t know where to find people who want to live like this. I can find kinksters, and I can find anarchists, I can even find anarchist kinksters, but finding dominant, submissive, switch, sado-masochistic people who want to live in the wilderness, gather their own food and return to the oral tradition is an entirely new filter.

If any such person is reading this, dude, let me know.

How do I help create this culture? When will I help create this culture? Where? Do I build this culture within the community I live in now, or elsewhere? Who do I create this culture with? I am not a culture unto myself, and two people aren’t either. Three is borderline.

I want a culture where the power of submissive people is recognized and cherished. I want a culture where dominant and submissive people do not grow up afraid that anyone meeting their sexual needs is just indulging them. I want a culture where consensually whipping someone is not questioned. I want a culture where I do not feel so pitifully grateful that anyone would allow me to control and hurt them for our sexual fulfillment.

I want this down to my bones, and I have no idea where to start.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. arnaut rosseau permalink
    July 20, 2009 5:20 pm

    I have a few doubts about what your trying to accomplish here. I don’t think kink works in a way that allows it to be culturally inherited, I think it’s more like a wild card that crops up. If you want to try and make a society like this then good luck, but I can’t help but feel like something like this can eventually blow up in your face.

  2. ranat permalink*
    July 20, 2009 6:25 pm

    As of yet I’m not really trying to accomplish anything. It’s just this really compelling, murky idea that’s been floating around, and every so often another idea gets attached it. I don’t think it’s particularly possible to create an all-kink society, nor would I want to live in one, but I would like to live in an intimate culture where sexualities like mine were a part of it.

    As for whether kink can be culturally inherited– I have no idea. I have no idea if there are genetic, biological, or cultural origins of kink, or some combination of all or more. I don’t know if biological children of mine could inherit some gene for dominance, or under what conditions that gene could be expressed. I don’t know if adopted children of mine could inherit the predisposition for dominance. Nonetheless, I still feel like it would be really awesome if these sexualities were all on the menu, and were culturally acknowledged and supported. Where if a young person did crop up with these desires, they would know who to go to to find out more, and it wouldn’t be a big deal.

  3. July 20, 2009 11:40 pm

    We are in the process of setting up such an intentional community: http://mistress160.blogspot.com/2009/03/creating-kinky-intentional-community-in.html

    We moved to an isolated property last year in Oz where we live what’s been called an eco kinkster lifestyle, lol, using solar power, growing our own food, using a barter system with the local economy etc. We also run a D/s retreat here as well.

    We chose this area because of long term plans to create a kinky intentional community. This area of Australia has many intentional communities (including a Radical Faeries community) and local council laws are comfortable with multiple occupancy owned properties. We currently have seven committed kinksters (of all orientations, some single, some with families) and are open to more joining us, the number of which will depend on the final size of the land we purchase. Which will probably be about 200 acres. Each kinkster will own a share that entitles use of about 5 acres. The rest will be left wild, or regenerated if we purchase farm land. Solar and wind power will continue to be used.

    If the Radical Faeries can do it, we kinksters can!

  4. ranat permalink*
    July 21, 2009 1:20 am

    Hah, wow, you never know! I’ve done some casual searching for kinky eco-villages, but I never found any leads. I’m definitely interested in following the evolution of your community if you post about it. Reading the post you linked, it looks like there’s a lot more interest in the subject than I thought.

    Thanks for stopping by and bringing this to my attention!

  5. July 21, 2009 4:11 pm

    When I first started researching the topic I found the same as you: very little info out there and no kinky intentional communities to be seen. My post was in part, like yours, to prompt others in such communities to come forward, but we only received responses from people interested in joining us. I’m sure there must be others out there – there are certainly an increasing number of kinksters taking the eco kinkster route – but they haven’t surfaced yet! So we just will have to do it ourselves….

    We are loving the eco friendly lifestyle here. Come visit sometime :)

  6. ranat permalink*
    July 21, 2009 4:50 pm

    If I am ever in Oz, I most certainly will.

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