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Kinky Shit in Fine Literature

November 30, 2008

I’ll be the first to admit that Tolkien was a sexist, women-belong-on-pedestals bastard, but I gotta love him.

I was probably eight when I started listening to the BBC dramatized version of The Lord of the Rings on tape, and ten by the time I actually read the books for the first time. Then there was The Silmarillion.

Ohohohoho.

The Silmarillion is one of the slowest reads on the face on the planet, but it’s also the book that detailed how a bunch of elves got tortured and bred to become their own worst enemies. That is kinky shit.

Another thing I was really fixated on as a kid was the character of Maedhros. He got to hang from a cliff by his chained wrist for, I dunno, centuries, and when his friend comes to rescue him, the only option to save him is to cut it off.

Fingon rescues Maedhros from Thangorodrim

So Maedhros is an immortal fucking elf, so presumably he didn’t have to eat and drink to not die (doesn’t biologically make sense, ignore it), and I don’t think the orcs make the climb every couple of days to give him bread crusts and water. So he’s sitting there for years, starving, thirsting, chained to one of the many intimidating, frigid-ass mountains in Middle Earth, with no hope of being rescued. Until his friend does come to rescue him, and he begs for his friend to kill him. But his friend’s like, “No,” but the only way to free him is to cut off his fucking hand. “I’m going to save you… but I have to mutilate you first.” I think it was his sword-hand too. That’s traumatic.

*cuh-hem*

Needless to say I kinked on that shit for years.

There are plenty of other examples of male self-sacrifice which are pretty nice, but it has been a long time since I have read The Silmarillion. I’ll have to go reread it sometime.

Wait. Oh my God, Morgoth/Maedhros slash?!?

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