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On Ease of Speech

October 12, 2008
tags: ,

I started this blog to talk about BDSM and what I have heard termed anarcho-primitivism since no one I’m close to is into talking about either and especially not both, but I kept finding myself only writing about the former.

For some reason, I’m finding it easier to talk about my obscure, misunderstood sexuality than my obscure, misunderstood longing to live in the woods with some frogs, and my obscure, misunderstood conviction that civilization is a disease making us all go insane (she writes on her laptop onto her blog in an attempt to connect with people she has never met because the ones geographically closest may very well lynch her for both).

Wow. I just said that. Not in my head.

God, I’m a sexual deviant AND I hate capitalism. They’re going to arrest me on principle [when I don’t meet my monthly shopping quota assigned to me for my genotype, sex, citizenship, and socio-economic class].

Perhaps it’s easier for me to talk about my obscure, misunderstood sexuality because that’s a much more recent admission than the fact that the culture I was born into is insane and is hellbent on killing everything around it. That’s old news. Also, strangely, my obscure, misunderstood conviction that civilization is inherently violent (in the not sexy way) and self-destructive and we could really do without it is actually more controversial than my sexual desire to beat up a lover. To some degree the mainstream will accept kink if they can assure themselves it’s all just a naughty game (especially if it’s helping corporations make profit, which the crazy emphasis on accessorizing in this sexual subculture does), but holy God, give up television?

On a somewhat related note, I changed the tagline of this blog, from “BDSM and Anarcho-Primitivism” to “Ritual Violence and Becoming Wild Again.” This has made things even more obscure, but more accurate (possibly more stupid). I chose the original tagline because those were the two labels most often used to describe the subjects I was writing about. But I hate labels. A lot. They help humans put things into categories. Which are rarely accurate and often used to hurt other people. On the other hand, they’re convenient. Too convenient. Seductively convenient. So we can conveniently shove each other into categories and not actually get to know each other.

So anyway, I changed it.

The other reason I think I’ve found it hard to talk about both subjects is how wildly the respective communities do not meet. The (few) people I know in the kinky world are devastatingly not interested in giving up electricity and the people I know in the anti-civilization world (none) would probably be profoundly horrified by my sexual proclivities. Both sets of people, real or figments of my paranoid imagination, can, of course, kiss my ass if they have a problem with either. But it still makes me think. I think Subversive Submissive has somewhat similar issues with the intersection of her sexuality and her politics.

A couple weeks after I read some of her posts on the subject, I ended up thinking a lot about how my world view and my sexuality are interrelated, and I basically returned to much the same conclusion about the source of my kink as I had about my sadistic fantasies back when I believed at least some part of me had to be a monster. I no longer believe I’m a monster, but for me at least, the history of my kink is written across my life in humongous stone letters. I’m not actually going to state it here, because to be honest I’m still such a fledgling in either community that I’m wary of the potential backlash. And really, I have enough potential bullshit to deal with. It’s enough for me to know, and be okay with it, and for whoever reads this to know that I know, and to know that I’m okay with it.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. subversive_sub permalink
    October 13, 2008 1:26 am

    Another kinky anarchist blogger, yay. If you ever need someone to talk to who’s both into BDSM and hates civilization…feel free to email me. :)

  2. ranat permalink
    October 13, 2008 8:19 pm

    Oh, I shall. I shall.

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