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Matchmaking: Crime or Harmless Stupidity?

October 12, 2008

Several people I know are currently trying to set me up with a mutual acquaintance. They have told me I need to fall in love. That I need to love recklessly. That I need to go on awkward dates.

They are silly.

The mutual acquaintance, they assure me, is “a really nice guy.”

I tell them I believe them unequivocally, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested.

They are confused.

Apparently being really nice is enough to fall in love with in their book.

None of them have any idea that I am kinky (unless one of them got so curious about where I disappear to that they searched through my things and found something they didn’t expect. They once asked some pointed questions about whether I had found a use for my climbing rope). Most of them would not have any problem with me being kinky, but I don’t tell them because due to the extended social network we circumstantially find ourselves a part of, my business would then be gossiped about across the seven continents (yes. ALL SEVEN). This I seek to avoid.

So I cannot dissuade them by telling them that I’m not interested in our really nice mutual acquaintance because I don’t think he’s into being whipped and tied up naked as a jaybird. Instead they have decided I have a crush on him and am simply too stiff to admit it.

They are ridiculous.

I’ve told one of the would-be do-gooders that if they can find me a male 30-ish permaculturist with Rapunzel-length hair, I will consider him. I want to say “male 30-ish permaculturist submissive/slave masochist with Rapunzel-length hair” but as I’ve said this is not an option. So I’m going to send them all off on a wild goose chase that will hopefully distract them until I can get out of this City we’re all trapped in.

We’ll see.

Just tell me he likes to grow vegetables and I will tap that.

Just tell me he likes to grow vegetables and hang from the ceiling and I will tap that.

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