My Angst With the Scene

I’ve been saying for a good few weeks now that I was go hunt down some munches and kinky get-togethers to at least try what they were like in this area, for the benefit of being in a room full of people to whom my sexuality is not a mysterious, unknown thing. The people I live with have been amazingly accepting and encouraging. At the same time, it is not the same as being with people who understand because they share similar desires.

I kept saying I was going to look up munches, but I kept not doing it, until finally, I was like, “Dude, get on that.” The webpages I found were all out of date and had broken links, so I turned once again to Fetlife, which proved a very rich resource, but still didn’t shift my ambivalent feelings about the whole enterprise (please please please switch to something other than white on black!).

What I was not expecting was my physical reaction to reading about the groups and figuring out which ones I would like to go to. A couple of times I honestly felt sick, which I took to be some combination of my feelings about my largely disappointing experiences in the City, and my own fears about traveling a minimum of four hours by internal combustion engine technology to another City just to be stuck in the same (I am assuming, possibly erroneously, having never been) taboo-, poisonous-fabric-, title-, hierarchy-loving atmosphere. I don’t know if that’s what it’s like. But I do know that the one group I found for dominant women focused on female-supremacy (*eye roll*), required all “males” to be identify as submissives or slaves, and stated that “switch males will be removed.” Removed. Their word. Switch “females” would be tolerated, as long as they acted in the dominant role. All submissives and slaves were required to be naked at events. Their website suggests they enjoy the excessive use of corsets. It did not set up a good picture for me. An iconoclastic part of me wanted to go just so I could wear my most casual, worn clothing and be like, “Yo.”

The other groups I looked at seemed perfectly average, with no red-flags, but I still got so tight and snappy around the idea. I really dislike traveling by internal combustion engine technology. Both as a physical experience and the fact that it uses gallons of processed fossilized carboniferous period plant matter. And have I ever mentioned that I loathe Cities?

Subversive Sub took the matter by the scruff of the neck and started her own scene. I don’t have the emotional or logistical resources for that. But the mad idea of trying to organize a KinkForAll here has crossed my mind. I don’t know if I have the emotional or logistical resources for that either, but shit’s gotta change here as much as anywhere else, even if in this one tiny way.

I just realized that I have already been setting myself up to be leered at by mandoms, awkwardly approached by mansubs, and in general patronized by anyone who happens to have more revolutions around the sun than I do. Which is really not a good place to come from. Sure, those things might happen, but I don’t need to go into it fortified and armored.

I will go. We will see.