Comments on: Does This Seem Strange to Anyone Else?

By: ranat

ranat — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:59:47 +0000

Ah, mystery solved.

By: maymay

maymay — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:40:33 +0000

Are you responding to something earlier in the discussion?

Yeah. My comment is in response to the earlier comments I quoted.

By: ranat

ranat — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:04:20 +0000

@maymay – I am bemused by this comment, since I’m not sure what it’s referring to. Are you responding to something earlier in the discussion?

By: maymay

maymay — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:13:59 +0000

Re Male Submission Art, I’m getting the impression, from people who link there, that the site also is visited and enjoyed by people who aren’t actively kinky (or not so far), but just looking in and possibly developing an interest, because it touches something latent inside them. I’m not sure if the impression is correct or not; Maymay might be able to tell better.

That impression is correct. It was, in fact, my intention from the hold the BDSM community to task for portraying male submissiveness in its narrow-minded and extremely sexist way, and to show people who would otherwise not consider using power-exchange terminology that what they are doing and seeing and enjoying also relates to the intersection of power and control with sexuality.

If this impression is correct, I find it a reason for hope.

Me too. I think the entire site is a reason for hope. And I’ll soon be posting more about that, as well.

By: Ignoring the label, and dealing with what’s inside « The Edge of Vanilla

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 10:23:40 +0000

[...] was inspired by a discussion with Ranat — the details of which are best left to another day — and in the comments I wrote: [...]

By: ranat

ranat — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:14:45 +0000

“And I can sort of see the appeal, but honestly, all the real satisfaction I’ve experienced has come through an acceptance that my sexuality is animalistic, unreformed, weird, and totally irrational. I kink on service, roller derby girls, bossy women with knives, orgasm denial and then being forced to come, selfish girls who hog all the wine, and women who try to pee standing up. If I can’t laugh at that, I’m fucked. I just gotta accept it, laugh, and work with it.

And I’m finding the more time I spend intellectualizing my kinks on the net, the less I’m actually having fun with them. ”

Certainly my own understanding of my sexuality is still largely intellectual, and I agree that there’s a point where “That’s the way it is, that’s the way it works, have fun.” A lot of the abstraction that I write on this blog, though, is basically a combination brain-storming/sounding board for my process of accepting, understanding, and being my sexuality. Within myself I can feel what I think is my intrinsic sexuality (intrinsic not to be confused with genetic), and then how it got, well, ‘kinked’ by a culture that doesn’t accept it, oppresses, demonizes, and fetishizes it. When I peel back these layers in myself, what I find underneath feels so much more satisfying, because it is closer to what is truly me, what I truly desire. Writing it all out for comment helps make it concrete for me, and introduces ideas from others which can lead me in directions I didn’t consider before.

I don’t set out to constantly think about my sexuality, it just happens. Some people feel no need to do this, and that’s what works for them. Ranai, for instance, has said a couple of times here that she doesn’t feel the need to figure out the why’s of her sexuality, and that’s what works for her.

“if you’re really feeling so hacked off about the whole thing, are you sure that reading a bunch of that stuff is a good idea?”

It is definitely an exercise in weighing potential benefits with loss of time and emotional energy.

“Anyway, genuinely, I do hope you find some guy to lay deer at your feet, and all that good stuff you like.”

Thanks. The deer part is not a problem, it’s just finding a submissive person to do it. Same sentiment to you in your explorations with Michelle.

By: Steve

Steve — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 08:54:10 +0000

ah god, my html checking is hopeless.

By: Steve

Steve — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 08:53:26 +0000

Your criticisms have really helped me narrow down my premises and consciously separate my feelings about the systemic failure of the subculture and the people operating within it, for which I thank you.

OK. Actually, I’ve found all this kinda thought-provoking too, but I’m coming to different conclusions – totally apart from my thoughts on normative group formation and kink.

I’ve been thinking about my own participation on the internet for a while, and this has helped bring it to a head for me.

I had two initial reasons to start blogging. First, and most honestly, it was “this turns me on, so I’m putting it up there, other people might like it.” Which is the kind of blogging I think I’ll go back to…for all that it might repulse various readers here, if they (accidentally) go there!

Then there was also a genuine desire to connect with people who might be able to shed some light on my situation.

But there’s this whole other thing, which I see other people doing, and feel myself moving towards, which is like: “Hey, look at this sociological observation I’m making about people’s relationships.” And then everyone starts trying to argue their positions in this really rational and informed way, like femdom university, with footnotes and stuff.

And I can sort of see the appeal, but honestly, all the real satisfaction I’ve experienced has come through an acceptance that my sexuality is animalistic, unreformed, weird, and totally irrational. I kink on service, roller derby girls, bossy women with knives, orgasm denial and then being forced to come, selfish girls who hog all the wine, and women who try to pee standing up. If I can’t laugh at that, I’m fucked. I just gotta accept it, laugh, and work with it.

And I’m finding the more time I spend intellectualizing my kinks on the net, the less I’m actually having fun with them. I don’t want to start trying to make my sexual preferences seem defensible and rational. I don’t want to try and make out they are somehow well thought out, and balanced. That’s the kind of thing that had me tied up in knots for my whole twenties.

So anyway my point about the need to construct an analysis of blogs by women was basically rhetorical, designed to show that such a thing could be done, and was really just a way of pointing out that I thought sub-male blogs were just being used as an easy target here.

I was kind of impressed that you were actually considering doing this because at least it shows some balance, but at the same time…if you’re really feeling so hacked off about the whole thing, are you sure that reading a bunch of that stuff is a good idea?

If I were feeling that way, it would be the last thing I’d want to do.

Anyway, genuinely, I do hope you find some guy to lay deer at your feet, and all that good stuff you like.

By: Tom Allen

Tom Allen — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 02:57:43 +0000

I don’t self-identify as submissive. Over the years I’ve topped and bottomed and switched around, and at one point I probably did self-identify as submissive, but now I just tend to see myself as being generally kinky.

Mrs. Edge had a much wilder streak when we were dating, and interestingly does not see herself as kinky at all, let alone dommish. She has, though, made it clear that she prefers to be in control and has never expressed any desire to be restrained.

By: Authenticity « Denying Thumper

Authenticity « Denying Thumper — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:57:41 +0000

[...] I should say, it’s terrific at disseminating and echoing the prevailing thought. As has been pointed out recently by Ranat1, according to the web, there appears to be two One True Ways to be submissive and male at [...]