Some of the behaviors you describe are already a part of my personality, and have been forever. As you say, sometimes its construed as bitchy because it’s not sufficiently ‘modest’ or something.

“Not sure that rambly bit makes sense. And I’m not sure I want to become to aware of my own “markers” as it seems a bit contrived. I’d rather be me, all the mixed up bits that go into creating ’sadist, dominant, hetero, etc etc etc” and not find a codified way of acting to send out the *signal* of all of those things.”

My desire to signal comes largely from the fact that I spend a lot of time away from kinky-spaces, which are almost exclusively big cities (which I loathe). Sending out the mating call of the dominant woman (*imagines*), is one more way for me to find partners.

@Roseread – Apparently people do indeed end up lucky, which I think is pretty cool.

Or you get really really lucky, which is what happened to me.

Attitude. Eyes. I’m sure there are other things, but for me, it has always been attitude and eyes.

Attitude. This doesn’t mean I’m a bitch, not overtly, … although my “attitude” is considered by many to be bitchy simply because I don’t maintain many socially conventionally behaviors that (yes, even in 2008) females “should.”

I don’t defer automatically in conversations. I don’t assume I’m wrong. I don’t need anyone to save me from situations, life, conversations. I’m direct about what I want and I don’t apologize for wanting stuff. (Note: this doesn’t mean I boss everyone around, that would be rude. It simply means that if I’m thirsty and someone asks me what I want to do, I’ll say what I want to do instead of hemming and hawing with “I don’t know, what do you want to do.” Etc.

I really can only think of the things that other people mention when it (repeatedly) comes up how 1. I am intimidating and/or 2. I exude dominance. (P.S. I try not to exude sadism if I can help it.) And it boils down to the above descriptions of attitude.

Oh, and….

Eyes.

I hold eye contact longer than most women. The default vanilla ‘coy’ flirtation marker is “Make eye contact. Look down and away. (Perhaps a hint of a smile here.) Look back. Look away.” That *model* indicates attraction. At least according to every woman’s magazine out there.

I am unable to do that without looking a bit like I’m mocking someone. Evidently if my eyes are going to roll, they’re going to roll up in a sardonic manner. I did try to adopt this technique during my trying-to-play-by-’nilla-rules phase, otherwise known as my early 20’s.

But I defaulted into my natural eye contact mode. I am direct. I maintain eye contact when I am interested in talking to someone, interested in what they say, interested in them. It makes many people uncomfortable. I like that. It allows me to read submissive markers (which, btw, I can talk much easier about since I’ve paid more attn to those lol) such as their deferring, coy eye contact. It also reads as a power/dominance mode somehow, I don’t look away first.

Oooh and… humor. I will throw out tests to see if someone is submissive, masochistic, or just willing by dropping things that can be either humorous or suggestive, depending on where their head is at. (i.e. “Naughty boy, you deserve a spanking.”) But… that’s a verbal marker.

Not sure that rambly bit makes sense. And I’m not sure I want to become to aware of my own “markers” as it seems a bit contrived. I’d rather be me, all the mixed up bits that go into creating ’sadist, dominant, hetero, etc etc etc” and not find a codified way of acting to send out the *signal* of all of those things.

Although having a t-shirt with every adjective and descriptor I can think of to describe myself is strangely, vainly appealing!